Shift Into Neutrality.

So, with cronyism winning out on the House and Senate floors in the battle for net neutrality, maybe we should all prepare to go back to pre-Internet days. Yes, we might actually have to crack open books to learn something (no more Wikipedia), go over to our friends’ homes to watch their latest videos (instead of looking on YouTube), talk to people instead of IM, keep private journals instead of blogs, and earn the respect, trust and affection of another person to see them naked.

It will be like colonial times, sans scurvy and native attacks.

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I declare that FX’s It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia is a funny show that you should be watching, if you like tremendously wrong, edgy comedy. If edgy ain’t your bag, then be comforted to know that Two and a Half Men will enter syndication come September.
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I’ve scrapped plans for the bounty hunter script and the play. I like both of the subjects, but I don’t love them enough to want to do them. Now it comes down to really picking a story I want to tell with characters I love. Meaning, I either lift from an existing series – like a House script – or I conjure up something really awesome. I think we all know I’ll be writing a House spec very soon.

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The 4th of July hath wrought a long weekend for us all. I’ll be off work Monday and Tuesday. Both nights, as well as next Friday, I will be at Dodger Stadium, watching the Dodgers take on the Diamondbacks the first two nights and then the Giants come Friday. I mean, that’s three pro ballgames in a 5-day span, a new record for me.

I love baseball and I’m thrilled, but I just got a call last night from Willie Mays, and he told me that my Giants License has been suspended indefinitely. I don’t know if this has happened to any of you. If it has, I’d like to know, generally, how long a fan license is suspended. Are there varying degrees of infraction? For instance, does attending three Yankees games in a 5-day span at Yankee Stadium and then rooting for the Yankees just get your Boston License revoked altogether and you lose a toe?

Am I going to be shot by a Giants fan at Dodger Stadium?

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I’ll close this Friday with some music suggestions:

Guster’s new album is pretty great. My favorite track: Manifest Destiny.

Keane’s Is It Any Wonder, off their latest album, Under the Iron Sea.

Steady as She Goes by The Raconteurs is the only song of theirs I like. Same with Munich by The Editors.

And I’ve been working on cutting a music video to Franz Ferdinand’s Michael using footage from my Knight Rider DVDs.

- Happy 4th of July!

I Kinda Believe A Man Can Fly.

But the question is: Can he otherwise inspire a cynical world to believe it can be better?

With a belly full of Kraft Macaroni & Cheese and various gummy candies, I walked out of Superman Returns last night feeling empty. Here, I had just sat through two and a half hours of a film based on a comic book character that is the American icon and I just felt that I could have watched something so much better. Maybe it’s because America ain’t just that great anymore. We don’t lead the world in anything human. We are not trailblazers, inspiration for other countries – except, perhaps, to tyrannical ones. Aw, that’s a cheap shot. America is just bogged down these days. So, too, was this movie.

You can read better reviews anywhere else, so I’ll just limit my comments to good, but not great. And I’m always going to be a guy who gets taken out of a movie for a moment whenever there’s a virtual setting. The visual effects don’t always grab me. They irritate my caveman brain.

Mainly, though, Superman is supposed to take your breath away. He’s supposed to amaze us with his feats of otherworldly strength, his generosity of heart and his undying spirit. But I yawned a lot last night.

Damned if that Spiderman 3 trailer didn’t rock the shit, though.

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My office has finally seen the wisdom in activating a contradictory cooling source when the ninth floor gets hot.

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My sis in Iraq got a letter from the Governor of California. My mom began to read it to me over the phone this morning, but I insisted she read it in Schwarzennegger’s voice.

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I’m trying to pick my next speculative script to write. I’d appreciate your input. Presently, it’s between a bounty hunter comedy and a dramatic stage play in two acts.

I worry about being consistently funny in the bounty hunter script and overwriting the play. I know what you’re going to say: Murph, you’re consistently unfunny and you overwrite everything.

Still, votes for one or the other would be appreciated. You can do so by clicking on the Comment Link.

I Have A Plan.

I work in an office in Century City. It’s a hot office. I don’t mean attractive, it’s actually stuffy and uncomfortable. I have no access to the thermostat, because if I did I’d drop the temperature around here. I am no fan of flop sweat, pit stains and crotch gunge. I work in an office that is predominantly populated by women, two of whom are pregnant. I would think they would want it cold, too. But, I guess that just goes to show that I really don’t know what women want.

Damn, that was a lame capper.

But while I was using my broken electric razor on Thursday, I had a thought -- in between pondering why the razor broke stuck on the #4 speed setting and how much cold water I’d have to drink upon entering my stuffy office to keep my mean body temperature comfortable --concerning teachers (Not Teachers). So, in the spirit of discussion, I ask the following question:

Why not eliminate the federal income tax for teachers?

It’s a common saying that teachers don’t make enough. Sucks that it’s become a saying and not a call to action, but here we are. So, instead of paying teachers more, why not just take less out of their pockets? Obviously, my question/plan has a few drawbacks:

(1) Federal tax revenue drops.
(2) Won’t other public service sectors (medical, law enforcement, fire, etc.) demand the same?
(3) What of the private school teachers?

To the first problem I say that you could potentially lower federal education spending or not raise it significantly, or, better yet, make this your big political thing and not a pork barrel amendment to a bill. Also, you keep the state income tax and that’s where it really matters because an individual teacher’s work means more to the state than federal government, but education is a federal matter, too. Another possibility: drop teachers back an income tax bracket. If a teacher makes $35,000, she/he is in the 25% bracket. Knock ‘em back to the 15% and you “pay them” a couple hundred bucks more. You could also do a phase out to soften the sudden loss of federal income tax revenue. Say, a teacher must have held a full-time position for 3-5 years before this tax break kicks in. Also, this would only apply to full-time teachers in the classroom, not administrators, who are already well-compensated (I think the head of the Fairfield-Suisun Unified School district is the highest-paid public employee in Fairfield-Suisun).

To the other public service sectors, I would say, first, that you should shut up because this is my plan and it is right and if you oppose it and me you are wrong, wrong, wrong. Then, to be more reasonable, I might get my nonexistent researchers to find out what the average income for public service employees is. And, I would limit it to the most important things for government (that I’ve already listed above). Then, I’d repeat, “Shutup. This is my plan, and it is rock solid.”

As for private school teachers, they would not enjoy the fruits of this plan. They’re not employed by the state. This would probably make it more difficult for private schools to keep employees, but I think it would work itself out in the end (how’s that for not thinking out a plan the whole way?).

And, obviously, this plan doesn’t take into consideration education programs/curricula and the other political problems in our education system, it’s just something I thought up while shaving and wanted to know why/how it wouldn’t work. Maybe I should just go look it up and see similar plans from the past, but if I did that, then I’d have an answer, and you’d have nothing new to read on my blog.

A Rush of Blood to the Head.

Where does your inspiration come from? Does it come from a magnificent day? Does it come from a child’s laugh? Or does it come from a place within you?

I read “the end is the beginning.” Similarly, screenwriters are taught that if you’re having troubles with the middle and the end that you probably have something wrong with your beginning. Keeping these similar thoughts in mind, my inspiration has gone kerplunk.

I found my inspiration earlier in the week by thinking about when I was 12 years old and watching Star Trek non-stop. That show would always inspire me to write stories. Star Trek stories at first, but then it influenced me in other areas, and I realized that the scene structures, plotting, characterizations were great starting points for other types of stories. I would have never written a play that my high school produced had it not been for Star Trek’s inspiration. Even though the play sucks horribly, and I vomit whenever I try to go back and read it, at the time, I could slip into The Zone easily because I was inspired.

Now, my internal editor reigns supreme, and the work of writing has lost its fun. I think I’m smarter and cleverer than I actually am, and it hasn’t taken a string of ex-girlfriends telling me as much to get that. I need only look at the empty page staring me in the face. Too, I’m not funny. Just not. And when you’re writing a sitcom, it’s kinda important that you're funny.

So, I am curious to know how the rest of you find inspiration. Not necessarily to write, but to do anything that you need and want to do but just can’t get past that wall. What inspires you to go to the gym? Paint? Sing? Cook? Live? Yeah, I believe that life’s only great when we’re inspired to live it. Otherwise, you’re just going through the motions.

Big Bird Hates Christians.

Two years from now you, the taxpayer, will in no way be paying for the Public Broadcasting System. Isn’t that awesome? Do you think you’ll get that money back? Hells no.

Why has the House voted to eradicate all funding from PBS? Simple. Because they’re fucking retarded. Seriously, the House of Representatives is run by the most mentally challenged and partisan-owned group of people this side of the NRA, Greenpeace and NAMBLA. How do I know they’re fucking retarded?

"The Republican-led House perceives a liberal bias from PBS." (see link above)

PERCEIVES?!?!? Are you making all of your decisions based on perception, government officials? Isn’t making laws and federally funding public entities based on perception just like thinking a baseball player is good because he looks great in a baseball uniform? Fuck the United States House of Representatives, you reactionary, feckless group of mouth-breathers.

In the Washington Post article from June 10th:

“But the Republican chairman of the House Appropriations subcommittee on labor, health and human services, and education asserted that the panel was simply making choices among various worthy government programs, and that no political message was intended.”

So, in this, the Information Age, where the United States of America leads the world in Information Technology – it’s our chief export, it’s what we’re the best at now – the Corporation for Public Broadcasting does not register as a high priority with these fucktards, but, instead, merely among many other “worthy” government programs?

Let me tell all four and a half of you reading this: the CPB is not a worthy government program, it is a necessary and vital government program. The public airwaves that we gave away to ABC, NBC, CBS, FOX and the CW have been swallowed up by single voices not intended to serve the public’s interests but the interests of private entities. PBS is the only swath of our air that broadcasts with public money for public interests. Airwaves are part of this country’s infrastructure. Refusing to fund the CPB is like refusing to fund our parks, highways and schools. Refusing to fund the CPB because of perception is just plain political and, therefore, retarded and, consequently, because it’s retarded, a perfect decision made by the U.S. House of Representatives.

Where’s Maxine Waters when you need her? This would be a great time for her to stand up and shout so incomprehensibly (because she’s passionate) that she spits and distorts the microphone. I mean, isn’t that what you do on the House floor? Demonstrate to your peers and the rest of the country that you never took a public speaking class, or if you did you graduated from the school of Hammy & Hackneyed?

Fuck the House.

How to Ride Dirty: A Beginner's Guide

So Chamillionaire’s new song “Ridin’” has an interesting chorus:

They see me rollin'
They hatin'Patrollin'
And tryin' to catch me ridin' dirty.

And then the chorus, “Tryin’ to catch me ridin’ dirty” repeats a few times. My question is this: How is this song not about anal sex?

At a recent beach party (Happy Birthday, Tiff), I assembled a mini Guy Council to discuss the matter, and we cracka ass crackaz present came to the same conclusion: that Chamillionaire didn’t want the cops catching him while engaged in an act of sodomy, which in some states is quite illegal.

But we whiteys were quickly corrected by more knowledgeable hip-hop connoisseurs (btw, this is not a word I know how to spell off the top of my head) that Chamillionaire is actually referring to driving in his car with the top down and/or the windows down and blasting his stereo system.

So, the part of the chorus that says “My music so loud / I’m swangin’” actually makes a lot of sense in this explanation. Before, I thought it meant that he had the music up so loud that he could do whatever he wanted, including be a swinger. You see, because I thought swang was ebonic for swing, just like Lil’ Jon says, “Snap yo fanguhz” in the song, “Snap Your Fingers.”

I’m not about to decry the state of music today. I like plenty of hip hop and I find most of the songs fun. Lil’ Jon could never lose a “What” saying contest, that’s for sure. And I think it’s funny for there to be a song about riding with loud music, but since I’m from Northern California, I know that tricked out cars and music blasting is a most serious matter, befitting only the “Rellest” of bros, miscellaneous homeboys and rap cognoscente.

We have so many musical choices today. XM Radio, Sirius, Yahoo! Launch are all fantastic outlets for variety. There’s this free station in Seattle that you can stream over the web that plays great rock and alternative. Sorry I can’t remember the link. The terrestrial radio stations just utterly blow. They post their damned playlists on their websites, which I think is a travesty, because it means they’re incapable of surprise. Normal radio stations can’t even play the songs they want. Can’t. They are actually prevented from playing songs not permitted by their corporate leadership, which has synergized their stations with the record labels under their ownership.

And as much as I appreciate the satellite stations and praise them in just the previous paragraph, I am quick to point out that the satellite experiment is going to soon become a horrible thing. There’s already commercials on these things that once promised no commercials. Their multi-channel offerings and overall variety is the only draw. Unfortunately, if you spend 4 consecutive hours 5 days a week listening to XM or Sirius as I did while driving around for the movie, you’ll find that their playlists – yes, playlists – are pretty much the same as terrestrial radio and that it’s pretty common to hear the same song on three consecutive channels (Shutup already, Natasha Bedingfield and The Fray). I’ve had more luck with variety on the Launchcast for Yahoo! If you’re an SBC Yahoo customer, you get the commercial free streaming music at no additional charge. I don’t recall the rates for non customers.

My ultimate point is that because art has had its lily-livered, candy ass handed to it by commerce, we’re going to have to start factoring in business models when making our entertainment choices. Music’s effect on us is 100% emotional, so, it behooves us to take into consideration in what mood(s) single-minded entities are trying to affect.

Superman Returns.

I’ve been suffering from writer’s block ever since I wrapped the movie, particularly when it comes to the blogosphere. First and foremost, I try to write without whining or complaining about the world or unfair turns of luck as they pertain to me, but, naturally, it’s hard to do in a blog unless yours has a specific theme or purpose. Since mine has no purpose other than to provide the precious few who read this with an insight into my Aquarian mind, I have been unable to swerve from the griping. Nevertheless, welcome back.

The movie experience was great. I can finally say that I was working on the forthcoming Will Ferrell-Jon Heder movie, Blades of Glory. During the shoot, I wrote an episode of The Office for my portfolio, and revised another script I and a friend of mine hope to one day turn into a neat-o actual TV show. But since we’ve wrapped, and I’ve been unemployed, the writing has come to a screeching halt. Also, without a job, what is there, really, for me to talk about? I’ve settled on a couple of topics, so, we’ll see how this goes...

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The last day of June marks my three-year anniversary living in Los Angeles. I have mixed feelings about the milestone, if only because I am a results-oriented guy (when it comes to me) and I don’t have much in the way of results to show for the move down here. Oh, sure, I’ve worked on a major motion picture, but where’s the scandal? Where’s the heart? Cuz, it’s all about heart.

In any case, it’s hard to see progress when I’m so far at the bottom of the ladder. But I find relief in two facts: I have a firm grasp of the bottom rung and I remain confident I can climb it. I’ve avoided (the first more successfully than the other), two important pitfalls I’ve observed around these parts: becoming sycophantic and sabotaging myself for concern of what others think.

I won’t be hitting the tanning salons or Abercrombie & Fitch for some new threads anytime soon, but, hey, broheims, rest assured that I’ll go Hollywood in my own special way one of these days. Unless… I have already. Oh my god… what will people think? What will they say?
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My current living situation is pretty great, though. I’m practically stealing rent, I have a cast o’ crazy characters when it comes to my neighbors, and my roommates are fine. But I do pose a question to those reading this: why would a soon-to-be-married couple want to remain in a three-bedroom apartment with two single guys? For the life of me, I can’t understand that. And to compound this pending problem, the soon-to-be wife has begun, for lack of a better term, nesting. I’m not the cleanest guy by a long shot, but I live in an apartment with roommates with the full expectation that this place will not be as spotless as, say, my house. The soon-to-be-wife, on the other hand… well, that’s a different story. Again, nesting.

We have a chore chart that we have to sign up for (reasonable). But there’s a $30 penalty tacked on to the rent and bills if you don’t do your selected chore (unreasonable). Granted, we have the entire month to do our chores just once, but I do wonder where the $30 goes and I am a little resentful of the fact that I stay to myself and basically don’t use any other rooms but mine and my bathroom, but I am responsible for cleaning the kitchen or the living room. Eh, that’s really just griping. So, I go back to the nesting issue.

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So, there you have it. I’m back and posting. It feels good to get back on the horse. I will admit to being a little rusty, but I’m sure I’ll be back to form soon enough. And, of course, by form I mean, awkwardly phrasing my ideas.