I Have A Plan.

I work in an office in Century City. It’s a hot office. I don’t mean attractive, it’s actually stuffy and uncomfortable. I have no access to the thermostat, because if I did I’d drop the temperature around here. I am no fan of flop sweat, pit stains and crotch gunge. I work in an office that is predominantly populated by women, two of whom are pregnant. I would think they would want it cold, too. But, I guess that just goes to show that I really don’t know what women want.

Damn, that was a lame capper.

But while I was using my broken electric razor on Thursday, I had a thought -- in between pondering why the razor broke stuck on the #4 speed setting and how much cold water I’d have to drink upon entering my stuffy office to keep my mean body temperature comfortable --concerning teachers (Not Teachers). So, in the spirit of discussion, I ask the following question:

Why not eliminate the federal income tax for teachers?

It’s a common saying that teachers don’t make enough. Sucks that it’s become a saying and not a call to action, but here we are. So, instead of paying teachers more, why not just take less out of their pockets? Obviously, my question/plan has a few drawbacks:

(1) Federal tax revenue drops.
(2) Won’t other public service sectors (medical, law enforcement, fire, etc.) demand the same?
(3) What of the private school teachers?

To the first problem I say that you could potentially lower federal education spending or not raise it significantly, or, better yet, make this your big political thing and not a pork barrel amendment to a bill. Also, you keep the state income tax and that’s where it really matters because an individual teacher’s work means more to the state than federal government, but education is a federal matter, too. Another possibility: drop teachers back an income tax bracket. If a teacher makes $35,000, she/he is in the 25% bracket. Knock ‘em back to the 15% and you “pay them” a couple hundred bucks more. You could also do a phase out to soften the sudden loss of federal income tax revenue. Say, a teacher must have held a full-time position for 3-5 years before this tax break kicks in. Also, this would only apply to full-time teachers in the classroom, not administrators, who are already well-compensated (I think the head of the Fairfield-Suisun Unified School district is the highest-paid public employee in Fairfield-Suisun).

To the other public service sectors, I would say, first, that you should shut up because this is my plan and it is right and if you oppose it and me you are wrong, wrong, wrong. Then, to be more reasonable, I might get my nonexistent researchers to find out what the average income for public service employees is. And, I would limit it to the most important things for government (that I’ve already listed above). Then, I’d repeat, “Shutup. This is my plan, and it is rock solid.”

As for private school teachers, they would not enjoy the fruits of this plan. They’re not employed by the state. This would probably make it more difficult for private schools to keep employees, but I think it would work itself out in the end (how’s that for not thinking out a plan the whole way?).

And, obviously, this plan doesn’t take into consideration education programs/curricula and the other political problems in our education system, it’s just something I thought up while shaving and wanted to know why/how it wouldn’t work. Maybe I should just go look it up and see similar plans from the past, but if I did that, then I’d have an answer, and you’d have nothing new to read on my blog.