An Attempt At Sucking Less.

With site traffic at an all-time low, I thought I’d try and post something more interesting than my random thoughts and news items and try something a little more fictitious. Maybe web surfers like stories. Maybe…?

Anyway, this was written on the fly. Trash it in the comment section below.

THE NIGHT THEY KILLED KANSAS

- part one -

Beldon Sew saw what he wanted to see.

In this case, he ignored the fact that Natalie, while cute and petite, was nevertheless as pale as chalk, her pallor invalidating her sizably attractive bosom by exposing her veins. The first time he met her, he labeled her Veiny Boobs in his head. On this Saturday night, he could not remember the silly name he had given this ghost-white girl who now straddled him.

They had met the previous weekend through one of his English 201 classmates. She was enjoying a malted in the Student Union, while her improbably named friend Hydra tried to score a dimebag from his classmate. Beldon didn’t care for drugs and was annoyed that after all the overachieving he accomplished in high school just so he could start college as a Sophomore he still wound up in a class full of people beneath him. Still, the drug transaction did give him a reason to walk away and strike up a conversation with Natalie.

She was like any other girl at Oral Roberts: vanilla, suburban chic, and a double major in Nursing and Theology, the only double major you could have if you were in the Nursing Program. Beldon considered that she was only interested in obtaining her M-R-S Degree, but dismissed such thoughts in favor of busting her hymen. He figured her for a virgin when she demurred at the concept of teabagging. But as she staked her claim atop him, Beldon considered that his initial impression of her may have been false.

“What are your intentions?” she demanded.

His brother London once told him that the more of a fuckface you are to a female, the more likely she is to bear your children. While putting a baby in her belly wasn’t on his list of priorities, Beldon did want this girl’s attention for the near future. So, he put that brotherly advice to good use.

“Depends on which one of you I can have: Curious Coed or Sultry Slut?”

“You think I’m a slut, do you?” she asked, as she pushed against him. He tried to conjure up more douchey, asshole-ish things to say to her, but found it difficult to come up with new ideas in the face of increasing brain blood loss.

He grew uncomfortable as she grinded her pelvis against his jeans. The button and the zipper pressed down against his crotch. Beldon feared his pubes would get caught.

Then she tickled him.

It was like the murder of Franz Ferdinand. His nervous system kicked into World War I mode. He had to get Natalie, Veiny Boobs, whatever off of him. He had to stop the tickling. Tickling caused him to revert to a fetal ball of rattled nerves. Veiny Boobs’ skillful dodging of Beldon’s arms and legs allowed the assault to continue. He could not escape. He was on his way to that baby ball and that would be the end of his night.

He’d never lose his virginity that way.

But if he were an asshole, he’d have a fighting chance to salvage the night. So he did the only thing he could think of through the fracas. He bucked her off him and onto the floor. She hit the hardwood with a thud.