I Want This Motherfuckin’ Writer’s Block Off My Motherfuckin’ Brain!

I am very truly sorry for the long an unexpected delay. There just hasn’t been anything of import to write about lately. But I am forcing myself to write today just to get it going again, because I have something to turn in next week.

So, I saw Snakes on a Plane last night. Here is my brief review:

Snakes on a Plane is a terrible, awful, god-awful, gross, crummy, cheesy,crappy, lousy, beastly, bad, bad, bad movie. But I enjoyed the hell out of it.

The long review is actually about the experience of seeing this movie. I saw this in Westwood, UCLA’s neighborhood, so it was a bunch of college-aged to late 20s peeps who were definitely in on the joke of the film. There were people with S on a P t-shirts, rubber snakes, you name it. Based on a quick survey of the crowd, I’d say that if The Daily Show was new last night, a significant chunk of its audience did not tune in.

When my group sat down, the place was boisterous, loud, but more jovial than juvenile. We were there to see Sam Jackson fuck up some snakes, you know what I’m sayin’???!?! When the lights went down and after we endured some bad New Line Cinema trailers (seriously, New Line – you guys just fucking suck) the movie started. And we all laughed and enjoyed ourselves. It was as if the spirit of Mystery Science Theater 3000 inhabited us all and we took to riffing on the film out-loud for the duration. I was not annoyed by this and I daresay the majority of the packed house wasn’t either. It was a communal experience, like those urine troughs at the ballpark, and we were collectively pissing on this film to the delight of no one else but us.

Some running gags from last night:

“Red Bull!”: Shouted any time there was product placement. There was a can of red bull in the first 5 minutes, a case of Red Bull within the first 7.5 and an empty can in a police evidence bag within the first 10.

“Fuck ‘em up!”: The dude who shouted this three times in the first fifteen minutes delivered it perfectly, and that’s what was so funny. He said it whenever Sam Jackson was on screen and was in the midst of some conflict. Also delivered towards the end when Sam Jackson and Julianna Marguiles are sharing a moment.

“Snakevision!”: Every time the movie switched to a snake’s POV. Which it does. A lot.

“Whammy!”: Every time something snake-related, action-related, sexual innuendo-related occurred when David Koechner was on screen. You’ll remember that he played Champ Kind in Anchorman, and that character’s catch phrase was “Whammy!”

“Hissssssssss”: Oh my god. The hissing. Many, many times throughout the movie – no less than a dozen times by my count – did the vast majority – say, 80% -- of the audience break out into a haunting hiss. Usually whenever the mood became foreboding or snakes were foreshadowed. Or whenever there was a problem with the plane or an argument between the passengers. My group did not participate in the hissing. To be honest, we were all a little creeped out whenever it happened, because it really sounded like there were motherfuckin’ snakes in our motherfuckin’ theater!

As the movie ended and the credits rolled, the music video for Cobra Starship’s single “Snakes on a Plane” played. I shit you not, everybody not in my group SANG ALONG WITH THE SONG. It was unreal. And the commercialism of it all made me sick to my stomach.

It was a great experience that rivals – but doesn’t surpass – seeing the Special Edition re-release of the original Star Wars back in high school. That night was unreal. It was especially awesome because the movie wasn’t vomit-inducingly bad. But last night’s crowd really was the jelly on the spoon that helped the medicine go down.