The Zit On My Nose.

Sorry for the delayed post, folks. I stared at my work computer all of yesterday and couldn’t think of anything useful to write. The lack of useful thought has carried over to today, which is why I've decided to start off by talking about the zit on my nose.

There’s a zit on my nose and it’s very noticeable. I look like a witch from a children’s tale. I popped it last night before I went to bed, but it came right back this morning. It hurts when I touch it, so I will abstain from doing that.

That was gross.

But, seriously, a zit? I’m 25. Not 15. And when I was 15, I wasn’t getting honking zits on my nose. In fact, I made it through high school relatively acne free. I only recall breakouts during finals and tech weeks. My complexion has actually gotten worse as I’ve aged. Or, the zit could be from all the sweating I’ve been doing lately. Seriously, it’s hot in America right now. We're trapped in Hot Hot Heat. This heat wave is a result of the Rid the World of Cold environmental strategy currently being employed.

The sun was a-shining in beautiful San Diego this weekend, too. But it wasn’t as hot as West Los Angeles, let me tell you. The weather was simply perfect. I drove down with my gal to see my childhood friend, Julebug, who is moving to the Caribbean with her boyfriend.

I’ll get back to the subject of my childhood pal in just a minute. I have to take a moment to acknowledge, nay, congratulate San Diego for having the most beautiful people I have ever seen. It was a miracle I didn’t wreck my car, I kid you not. And since it was sunny and the going away party was by the beach, the skin to clothing ratio preposterously favored skin. I kept on my shirt so as not to scare the people with my swarthiness. But my eyes, they did delight.

Julebug and I have been friends since we were zygotes. Our families are tight, we went to the same grade school together, and for many years I had our fellow classmates believing the lie that we were cousins, just so no one would mess with her. She’s probably the nicest person I know. She’s totally into the guy she’s with (as evidenced by her decision to move to the Caribbean with him) and she is, rightfully so, awaiting a marriage proposal from said guy.

They have been dating for a year and a half. One of Julebug’s friends at the party has been dating her guy for three years. One of my roommates has dated his girl for nearly five years. A girl with whom Julebug and I went to grade school has been with the same boyfriend since the August after we graduated eighth grade – that’s almost eleven years!!! – and he only just proposed last month.

I guess what I’m saying is that if I’m in a relationship with a woman for a year and a half or longer, I’m taking a long look at some engagement rings, I’m cutting back on my DVD expenditures, I’m eating take out less often and I’m getting in a mental place where I can commit to one person for the rest of my life.

I’m not taking these guys to task, because that’s not what guys do to each other in this situation. Instead, I’m just saying that you’ve got to expect some ribbing, forced conversations and awkwardness when you delay the inevitable for so long. Your girl wants to move with you when you go to school and you say okay? Come on, bro-bro. Three years together? Five years? Eleven years? The hell? I say, if it hasn’t been specifically discussed that one or both of the people in the relationship aren’t ready for that type of commitment, then the reasonable and fair assessment of the situation is that the relationship is “going somewhere.” In other words, Broham, you’ve gotta marry that girl.

*********

I... I just can’t believe he would ever violate his body temple this way. It seems Mr. Justin Timberlake loves the Yayo! If he does lines off Cameron Diaz’s teeth, then I would consider him both awesome and hilarious.

*********

THINE OWN SELF. So now we’re really in it. My small character drama just went to an oddly against-tone NC-17 place. Is there a chance that I turn this story around after it has taken a trip to the filthy side? You’ll have to keep reading.

Now we’ll begin to see the consequences of the destructive sex. Paul’s life changes in ways he could never have anticipated and Sandra takes notice. The dialogue, by the way, is not the worst I have ever written. That honor will forever be held by stage comedy Max Bennett: Private Eye, which I wrote in high school. The on-the-nose nature of the emotionally revealing dialogue is a challenge for any screenwriter, in particularly the neophyte. Also, rereading this I’ve noticed that I really didn’t write women all that well back in the day. A lot of my own immaturity comes through in this section, too. I like Sandra, though, and think her scene in the bathroom plays funny. Enjoy the excerpt.

INT. PAUL'S DESK - THE NEXT DAY

Paul is sitting back in his chair. Sandra approaches.

SANDRA
Paul, where's the T-Account info?

PAUL
(startled)
Wha--?

SANDRA
The T-Accounts from the fifteenth?
I need it.

PAUL
Oh. Right. Sorry.

He reaches into a drawer and pulls out the statement sheet. Sandra takes it. She turns to leave, then stops.

SANDRA
Everything okay?

PAUL
Yeah. Why?

SANDRA
It's just that we haven't really
talked the past couple of weeks. I
can't find you during my break or
during lunch. You disappear. Steve
and I don't see you anymore, either.
I was just wondering if everything was
okay.

PAUL
I'm fine, Sandra. Just fine.
SANDRA
Are you still seeing Rachel?

PAUL
Yeah.

SANDRA
Sounds pretty serious.

PAUL
One could make that argument.

SANDRA
So, what's up?

PAUL
Nothing. Why do you keep asking me that?

SANDRA
Well, you don't tell me that you've
lost your virginity recently... and
you keep me in the dark about this
relationship. I tend to think there's
something up when you don't let me,
your alleged best friend, know what's
going on.

PAUL
How did you... how did you know I lost
my virginity?

SANDRA
It's a gift. I can detect post-sex
glow. You have it. If I didn't know
any better, I'd say you just got done
having sex with her.

Silence.

SANDRA
(hushed)
Holy shit, Paul. You just had sex
with her?!

PAUL
I didn't say that!

SANDRA
What the hell's the matter with you?
You can get fired for that kind of
stuff!

PAUL
I know that.

SANDRA
What are you thinking?

PAUL
I'm thinking I'm enjoying myself. No-
body's getting hurt, either.

SANDRA
(disapproving tone)
I hope you know what you're doing.

INT. WOMEN'S BATHROOM - LATER THAT DAY

Sandra enters. She proceeds to the closest available stall, enters, and closes the door behind her.

Soon, Rachel enters, accompanied by another TEMP. They "freshen up" by the sinks.

TEMP
So, is he big?

Sandra's interest is immediately aroused.

RACHEL
He's not King Kong. He's nice. And
sweet. And wonderful.

TEMP
How often do you two do it?

Sandra inches off the bowl to try and hear.

RACHEL
Whenever we can.
(lowers voice)
Don't let this out, but, we just fucked
in the break room about a half an hour
ago.

TEMP
Oh my god!

RACHEL
I love it. I love Paul.

Sandra reacts unfavorably to this comment.

TEMP
No shit! You love him?!

RACHEL
His hands... they're so strong. He's
so nurturing, too. He takes care of
me... pays attention to me. Listens...
TEMP
He sounds great!

RACHEL
He is.

She checks her watch.

RACHEL
Shit. I've gotta go.

They both hurry out of the bathroom, leaving a disturbed Sandra on the toilet seat.