Break Me Hoff A Piece of That.

It truly is a gift from God that I can listen to Ryan Seacrest on the radio every morning. He really is tuned in to what I don’t care about. He helps me figure out what movies not to see, songs to hear or people to care about. Unfortunately, this morning he had on his show a childhood hero of mine, Mr. David Hasselhoff.

O, how Michael Knight has fallen. I know the topic of Hasselhoff’s career has always brought out the comedians in us, but to a lot of people (yes, yes, especially Germans) he meant something more than funny stuff. He really was a good guy because of the character he played on TV. The Hoff played Michael Knight effortlessly. At times, I was inspired to think that one man could make a difference (the theme of Knight Rider, in case you didn’t know). I’m just waiting to become a man.

But in terms of his overall career, Hasselhoff could be the poster boy for actors cast for their looks instead of their talents. He came from a soap opera when he got Knight Rider, then used the success of KR to get Baywatch. World fandom secured. But his talents were never better suited than for Knight Rider. He got the role of a lifetime and he hit it out of the park. Everything else we’ve ever seen him in, the music videos, Baywatch & Baywatch Nights… that’s the actual talent he has. Stars of the WB (now the CW) and FOX’s The O.C. beware, for the Hoff’s tale is a cautionary one.

Seacrest helped him flog his latest song, Jump In My Car. Please, watch the video AFTER you’ve read this, because you’ll be laughing too hard to finish the blog otherwise. I’ll sum up the video: Old Man Hasselhoff uses his German shwerve to get a woman into KITT so he can take her home. It’s an Australian pop song, which is why he rides in the passenger seat.

This video is just as bad as his Hooked on a Feeling cover. I feel only a little bad for the guy. It’s embarrasses me that he’s involved in stuff like this, but I must conclude that Mr. Hasselhoff is such a fame whore, so much the typical star desperate for our attention and lavish devotion, that he will throw himself into anything. He is, after all, making pop music. He doesn’t want to be an artist. He wants to be popular.

And that’s when I not only grow sad at the thought that my former hero is no better than Benjamin MacKenzie or Jared Padalecki. Who are those two? I don’t even know. But I once read their names in a TV Guide. I wish The Hoff had more artistic, actorly ambitions.

I wish David Hasselhoff was more like William Shatner. Shatner’s a pop icon to be sure, but the guy gave a damn about acting and performance. Yes, he had the ambition for popular appeal and he does delve into fame whoredom from time to time, but he’s got the goods to back up his stuff. He doesn’t really play characters, either. Anything I’ve ever seen him in (including Judgment at Nuremberg) he’s playing off his persona. I can respect that because he’s acting with integrity. And, because he’s steeped in his talents, his albums (okay, just the last one) and his TV shows (see yesterday’s entry) show him in a positive light, highlight his talents, and reinforce for his fans why they ever liked him in the first place.

With Hasselhoff, I can’t help but feel like I’ve been a fan of a Nazi all this time. If you watch the video, you’ll get what I mean (what’s with the fire behind him?)

In closing, David Hasselhoff should get a new producer for his albums and get that Knight Rider movie script done. With my help, of course.

*******************
THINE OWN SELF.

Paul gets up the courage to ask out Rachel and it succeeds. What a dreadfully unfunny scene. That accounts receivable “joke” was put in there because at the time I was taking a Financial Accounting class as part of my business minor. I thought I would be better served to have a practical minor to go with my Communication degree. After I fell asleep in nearly every class and couldn’t give crap one about what I was learning, I decided to drop the notion of doing anything practical.

The “Other than TGIF, not really” line, btw, is supposed to refer to Rachel being relieved that it was Friday. That was her only “plan” for the night, to thank God it was Friday. It’s not a good line. I feel the need to explain it, though, because everybody who’s ever read the script has commented on it being a dated reference that felt out of place. Today, I would revise the line to, “Other than celebrate the fact it’s Friday, not really.” Also today, I would have never written the line and I would have changed the scene altogether. The ask-out scene and the movie theater scene, you will note, lack dramatic tension. The subtext of the scenes could be sexual tension, but that’s not really here, either. It’s too easy for Paul to get a yes out of Rachel, and Rachel is far too accepting of him after he makes his unprovoked revelations in the theater, though Rachel’s easy acceptance of Paul is important. I should have played up her over-eagerness. That might have been a clue. Enjoy the next part. This baby picks up steam a little bit.

INT. PAUL'S BEDROOM - LATER

The two slam through the half-opened door. She tears
his shirt off. Her kissing is even more intense. Paul
is merely reacting now. Finally, he stops her.

PAUL
I've... I've never done this before.

RACHEL
(hungry)
That's great!

She unbuckles his belt and removes his pants.

PAUL
No, I don't think--

She quiets him with a mouth-watering kiss.

RACHEL
We both want this, don't we?

PAUL
But, Rachel, I don't believe in--

RACHEL
You're who I want, Paul. Right here,
right now. I want to be with you.

PAUL
I--I want to be with you, too.

RACHEL
You are so handsome.

She goes down on him. Paul reacts.

She rises and, in two quick motions, removes her skirt
and blouse. She lowers him onto the bed.

CROSS FADE TO:

INT. PAUL'S DESK - A FEW DAYS LATER

He sits, trying to work at his computer. He punches in a few commands. He stops and looks at a framed picture of his mother. Again, the most noticeable feature is a crucifix around her neck.

Paul shakes his head ever so slightly. He looks down at some paperwork and punches the appropriate data into fields on the computer screen.

Paul stands and leaves his desk.

INT. VENDING ROOM - A FEW MINUTES LATER

Paul purchases a bottle of water from the vending machine. He promptly opens the bottle and takes several chugs of the bottle.

He checks his watch again and sees that it is 11:57 AM. He looks extremely agitated; he is perspiring. He exits.