Have Fun In the Bathroom.

On my way back from lunch today, I struck up a conversation with a woman in the elevator. She said she didn’t like buying food from downstairs because of the long lines. I posited that less people eat in the building on Fridays because they’re sick of the same two places by the end of the week. She agreed with my position. I then added that even though it was just me and a few other people in the sandwich shoppe, my sandwich still ended up sitting on the ledge for a good five minutes after it had been made. For whatever reason, whenever I order a sandwich from there, they never call out my number and I always have to ask. It’s weird.

Anyway, that’s not what I’m bringing up this conversation. We got off on the same floor and she said that she’d probably go get lunch as soon as she finished copying some files. Then, we ended up walking in the same direction and she said, “I’m just gonna go use the bathroom.” Then, I said, “Have fun,” which I intended as a comment regarding the photocopies. But she was a little surprised that I told her to have fun in the bathroom. See: even my speech consists of awkward phrasing.

But this happens to us all the time. Either way say something we don’t mean, or what we mean to say doesn’t come out quite right.

In high school, I pursued one of the actresses in theater. After rehearsal one night, we’re walking and talking and I ask her what she’s doing that night. She says, “Oh, well, I have to go home and cook dinner, do some homework and then go to church later.” I was surprised to hear that last part in there. I went to a Catholic high school, and the thought of going to church on a Wednesday night, during Ordinary Time and on a non-Holy Day of Obligation, struck me as unusual. So, being the precocious freshman that I was, I looked at her, arched an eyebrow and said, “Church? On a Wednesday? What are you, Episcopalian?” To which she emphatically replied, “Yes!”

Smooooooooth, Murph. Real smooth.

Suffice it to say, we never got together, but we did remain friends throughout high school. She’s engaged now. Probably to an Episcopalian. But don’t cite this blog for your facts.

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Oh, the Giants. God help the Giants. After winning 5 in a row, they’ve lost 4 in a row. They’re old men trying to play a young man’s game. Barry Bonds, once immortal, now is completely mortal. Their pitching is atrocious, gnarly, disgusting, revolting, putrid, and vomit-inducing to watch. But I’m still a fan.

Why?

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For the Giants' squad, a musical suggestion: Don’t Fear the Reaper. Blue Oyster Cult. More cowbell!

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THINE OWN SELF. Here's the conclusion. We can discuss it on Monday. Have a great weekend, everybody!

INT. RACHEL'S BEDROOM - THAT NIGHT

Paul is laying on the bed. Rachel is on top of him. Holly is also on top of him, but straddling his chest. She is making out with Rachel at the same time. He is touching them both.

Rachel manages to turn Holly around so she can face Paul. Rachel is kissing the girl's neck and groping her.

Suddenly, Paul's eyes go wide. He sees a crucifix around Holly's neck. His breathing increases. He breaks out in an intense sweat. Tears roll down his face.
HOLLY
Christ, he's a fuckin virgin.

RACHEL
What? Paul?

HOLLY
He's fucking crying.

Paul shoves Holly off of him. Rachel follows. He sits up on the edge of the bed, trying to control his sobbing.

RACHEL
Paul, what's wrong? Paul, what is it?

PAUL
I can't do this. This isn't me.

RACHEL
What? Paul? What?

He grabs his clothes and leaves the room. A bewildered Rachel follows him.

INT. RACHEL'S LIVING ROOM - CONTINUOUS

Paul is trying to put his clothes on as quickly as possible. Rachel does not bother with her situation. She starts to cry.

RACHEL
Wait, Paul! Please, don't go! I'm
sorry! I'll take her back, I promise!
Just don't go! I love you!

PAUL
You don't love me. You need me.

RACHEL
And you need me! We need each other!
Please, don't go!

She grabs her arm with both her hands. He jerks away.

PAUL
I'm sorry.

Paul goes to the door. Rachel is hysterical.

RACHEL
Don't you love me?

PAUL
(long pause, then)
No. I don't.

He opens the door and leaves. Rachel falls to the floor, crying uncontrollably.

RACHEL
(barely audible)
He left me again... he left me again.

CROSS FADE TO:

EXT. GRAVEYARD - THE NEXT DAY

An exhausted Paul stands before his mother's grave.

PAUL
I'm sorry. I messed up. I messed up in the
worst way possible.
(a beat)
I miss you, Mom. But, I miss you a little
less today, because today I realized that
you never left me. You've been with me all
this time, watching over me. Thank you.

He puts his hand to the tombstone and whispers a short prayer.

PAUL
Take care, Mom. I've gotta go. I've got
something to do.

DISSOLVE TO:

EXT. CHAMBERLAIN BUILDING - LATER - DAY

Sandra sits on the scaffolding, eating a cup of yogurt. Paul crawls onto it.

PAUL
Hey.

SANDRA
Hi.

PAUL
I didn't expect to find you out here.

SANDRA
I'm just full of surprises.

PAUL
Sandra, I'm sorry. I know I've
hurt you, and I'm sorry. I never
want to ever hurt you.

SANDRA
Paul, I can't... I mean, I don't...
(composes herself)
Look, I know you like Rachel, but I can't--

PAUL
We're done. No more.

SANDRA
What? Why?

PAUL
All the love I need is right here,
Sandra.

SANDRA
Let's not get ahead of ourselves, here.
I am married.

PAUL
I meant platonic, non-sexual love.

SANDRA
I knew that.

PAUL
Can you forgive me?

SANDRA
As a God-fearing person, forgiveness is
inevitable.

PAUL
I love you, Sandra.

SANDRA
Paul, I--I love you, too.

Paul reaches into his lunch pail.

PAUL
Juice box?

She laughs. He smiles.

EXT. SKYLINE - DAY

A grand, sweeping shot of the Chicago skyline, complete with skyscrapers and other office buildings.

FADE OUT.

THE END