My Weird Bear-Themed Dream.

I’m working in an office building for an employer I don’t know. I have to take files down to another office in the building. I leave my sixth floor office and head into the hallway, which actually becomes like a parking structure. I go down concrete steps and reach my destination on the fourth floor. A lot of fluorescent lighting – again, think a parking lot. I drop off my papers to the kindly receptionist, and then I head back out into the hallway, which, again, becomes a parking structure deal.

As I walk up the stairs, I hear a growl. I turn around and see a FUCKING GRIZZLY BEAR on all fours. I sense it’s a she and she’s a mother. I didn’t realize I had stumbled into a bear habitat on the fourth flour of this office building where the hallways look like a parking garage. The bear snarls at me. I think about running away, back up the stairs and I do manage to go up a few steps, but suddenly, I walk backwards – slowly – and I walk myself right into a corner. Forget that I’m supposed to be between the fourth and sixth floors of this office building. I am now on the ground floor of a parking structure, in a corner, with a FUCKING GRIZZLY BEAR snarling at me.

I’m only a little scared. Not terrified at all. This didn’t feel like a nightmare. I do wish it had been a little more Great Outdoors and a little less Underworld, because pretty quickly this FUCKING GRIZZLY BEAR takes a swipe at me. I miraculously dodge the swipe, but now I’ve broken into a sweat and I’m really panicking. I bolt up the stairs and I run back into that fourth floor office. I run all the way up to a table where my third grade teacher, Mrs. Williams, sits. She’s very surprised to see me. I think it’s great to see her, too, but I tell her that the purpose of my visit is to inform her that there’s quite a large bear after me. That sends everybody (save my third grade teacher, Mrs. Williams) into a panic and they all bolt. Comically visualize stacks of paper fly into the air as the staff departs and I am left with that sinking feeling that I have to go back out there and get past this FUCKING GRIZZLY BEAR.

I don’t know why I have to go back out into the hallway, but it’s a dream so let’s just assume that it’s part of the internal logic of it. Kind of like why Michael always had to tell K.I.T.T. what button he was going to press before actually doing it. “Okay, buddy. Turbo boost!” You don’t ask why he does it. That’s just the way it’s supposed to be.

So, I rush back into the hallway, but I’m back on the ground floor of that damned parking lot. The grizzly bear has me cornered. I hear people yelling at me to get away, but I can’t. I don’t have that “But my legs are molasses!” feeling running through me, and it never occurs to me that I’m fairly incapacitated. I just keep thinking, “Why is there a grizzly bear here, and how the heck am I going to get away from it?”

The bear swipes at me and rips up my left arm. Just shreds it. Big claw marks and blood. It feels weird, but it doesn’t hurt. I run away and I’m suddenly in a promenade setting. It feels like I’m on a high school campus. I run past emo/goth girls and people who feel familiar to me, but I’m really trying to get away from this FUCKING GRIZZLY BEAR and find some medical attention for my shredded left arm.

But then I end up back in the parking lot. The mama grizzly bear’s about to finish the job. I hear another growl from behind – it’s the baby grizzly bear. So now there are TWO FUCKING GRIZZLY BEARS. I’m done for. Mama bear’s about to swipe at me when she’s shot up with four or five dart guns. I turn around and some Crocodile Dundee-looking guy whom I’ve never seen before is standing behind me. He yells, “Okay. Get out of here!” And I say, “But what about the other one?” We both look and see baby grizzly leave, scared. I’m relieved.

Then I woke up.

Please tell me to stop posting my dreams OR to stop dreaming so vividly.